Inbox: (1)
by Lexiroseblue
Summary: Set after 5x07. Gail handles communication with Holly the only way she knows how. Rated T for language.


**Hi Guys! so I've been thinking about writing this for a little while now. This is a story based around an email that I sent to my ex-girlfriend- much of what I have written in this I actually said to her. Unfortunately for me it didn't work out, but I wanted a way to process it all so here it is! Please rate & review if you want, it would be much appreciated. **

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine... they belong to the writers and creators of Rookie Blue, Global and ABC. **

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Gail paced up and down in her bedroom. She could hear the boys cursing and yelling as yet another intense round of C.O.D began in the living room. Normally she would go and join in, ensuring her reign as gaming queen remained, but tonight she couldn't. Her mind was racing. Holly was seeing someone else. Holly, her beautiful nerd, was now someone else's nerd. Her heart pounding hard against her rib cage, Gail let out a small cry of despair and frustration, dropping to her knees rubbing her sweaty palms on her jeans. She couldn't lose Holly, that thought was clear in her mind, she just couldn't. The last few weeks since the incident at The Penny had been torture, self inflicted torture and Holly's admittance that she was seeing someone had been the final blow. Gail wasn't thinking straight, panic overwhelming her as she grabbed her house keys and hurried out of house snatching the key's to Chris' truck out of the bowl by the door on her way, ignoring Dov's questions as to where she was going and Chris' pleas to not crash his car.

Jumping into the driver's seat, Gail pulled the truck out of the drive and began the familiar route, and before she had time to collect the ocean of thoughts swimming around in her head she was pulled up in front of Holly's house. She almost ran up the path to Holly's front door, desperate to say what she had to say before the feeling of urgency left her. Ringing the bell multiple times Gail was almost hopping from foot to foot in anticipation. When the door finally opened Gail was presented with a groggy looking Holly dressed in sleep shorts and her scruffy Yale t-shirt that Gail loved to commandeer when she slept over. When she used to sleep over.

"Gail?" Holly barely had time to register the blonde standing on her front porch before she felt Gail pull her towards her, sealing their lips together in a fiery kiss. Almost as soon as it had begun, however, the brunette felt Gail push her away. Confused Holly stood there, mouth open, stunned.

"Oh God, I'm…" Gail's sense of urgency that had brought her there had evaporated the moment her lips had touched Holly's. What was she thinking? She was supposed to talk to Holly, not kiss her. "I…I've gotta.." Nausea took hold and Gail practically sprinted back to the truck, tears streaming down her face. What had she done?! Holly was seeing someone else; she had made that very clear.

"Gail!" Holly called after her, but the blonde had already started the truck and was driving off. Bewildered and hurt, Holly slowly closed her door, hanging her head in defeat. She just couldn't deal with the roller coaster that was Gail Peck right now. Sighing deeply trying to ignore the aching feeling in her chest, and the ghost of Gail's lips on hers, Holly crawled back into bed.

_Urgh what is wrong with me?!_ Gail practically screamed at herself _How can you have fucked up this already fucked up situation more?!_ _Seriously Peck_. Parking the truck back in her own drive way, Gail walked slowly back into the house. It was quiet, Dov and Chris had since gone to bed, empty beer bottles and crisp packets littered the coffee table. Gail slumped down onto the couch, taking her laptop off the side table and pulling it towards her. Opening it up she was met with the photo of her and Holly that Traci had taken one night of them at The Penny. They both looked so happy, smiling at the camera from their corner of the booth. Fat tears began to roll down Gail's cheeks as she looked at the photo, and continued to flow as she began to flick through the album she had on her desktop of the two of them together. Curling herself up into a ball on the couch, Gail let herself cry.

Holly was just falling asleep, when a ping came from her phone as a new email arrived in her inbox. Normally she would have ignored it until the morning but instead she sat up and putting her glasses back on she opened up her email.

**INBOX: (1) OFFICER AWESOME**

Holly gulped. Shit. This was it, Gail was messaging her to stop her from seeing her again unless it was work related; she had believed her when she said she was seeing someone, she was really going to give up on them. Or maybe her rational brain interrupted maybe she is going to explain why she came over earlier. Holly could barely bring herself to open up the message, dreading what it contained but she knew that she had to, whatever it was that Gail wanted to get off her chest; she knew that they both needed closure of some kind.

_Hey,_

_Listen, I don't know how to go about this…. I've tried to build up the confidence in myself to ask you and each time I see you I fail. I am not someone who is good with the hard or difficult conversations and I'm not someone who is good at putting their feelings out on the line when I'm feeling unsure. (but I think you know that anyway). What I am worse at though is not knowing things. I over think everything and over analyse everything- and I think you know that too. _

_Which is why I didn't say anything earlier (apparently kissing you is easier) and why I ran that night at The Penny, and why I am therefore I'm taking the "easier" way out and writing to you instead. Which isn't good I know... but I can't be in this limbo - like state anymore. I want clarity not just for me but for the both of us, as it's been on my mind so much recently. _

_I like you, like… really like you, a lot, and the past weeks we have spent together have been so great and amazing, and I just… I need to know, are we still together? Do I have the privilege of calling you my girlfriend? I know I messed up Hol, I ran. I created that emergency situation that I always do, but these past few weeks without you have been, well they've really had an impact on me. I know we are both busy and that I'm the one who has been ignoring you and I know that that has hurt you. It hurts feeling like you are being ignored by someone so important to you._

_I know I'm not great with real communication but I've got to start somewhere. I really do want us to be together, more than anything, and I hope you do too. Even though I know you said you were seeing someone. But Hol, I want us both to be happy and honest with each other. You know you can talk to me about anything. _

Holly's heart broke as she read Gail's words. That stubborn, infuriating woman. Holly knew she wasn't over Gail, that is why she had refused Rachel's offer to set her up with one of her work colleagues. It was why she had been waiting for Gail to take some responsibility for what was happening, but she hadn't been expecting this. Glancing at the alarm clock on her bedside table, it was 3.30 am. Were it not for the fact that she had barely been able to sleep since Gail had kissed and left her earlier, Holly would have questioned why Gail was up at this hour, but she knew it was probably for the same reasons she was. She re-read the message and making up her mind, not that there was ever any real question involved, she got out of bed and changed into a pair off sweats, shoving her feet into her old comfy slippers, and like Gail had done hours before, she picked up her keys and drove to Gail's.

At first Gail thought she had imagined the soft knock at the front door, and so stayed in her current position, curled up on the couch, staring at the muddy brown stain on the carpet that Dov had left that time he knocked a tub of Chinese food onto the floor, her mind running over and over the message she had send to Holly. Then she heard it again, slightly louder this time. Pulling herself up off the she shuffled slowly to the door. It was nearly 4am, nothing good ever came of answering your door at 4am, and she just wasn't ready to handle more bad news today. Looking though the peep hole Gail expected to see two uniformed figures, instead she saw the back of the very person who had been occupying her thoughts. Taking a deep, steadying breath Gail opened the door.

"Holly?" Holly span around when she heard Gail's voice.

"Gail hi!" Holly fumbled to find the right words "Err… can I… can I come in?"

"Yeh of course" Gail stepped out of the way and let Holly in, closing and re-locking the door behind them and then followed Holly into the darkened living room. "Look, if you're here about the email I'm sor…" This time it was Gail who was stopped mid flow by a kiss. Holly wrapped her fingers around the blonde's neck and drew her in for a searing kiss. Gail let out a soft moan and leaned into Holly, kissing her back, willing Holly to know how she felt through that one kiss.

"Yes" Holly whispered, breaking the kiss. Gail looked at her confused. "Yes, you do have the privilege of calling me your girlfriend. " Gail's eyes widened in surprise "You, Gail Peck, are the most frustrating person I have ever met, but I know now that you care about what we were and what we could be, and all I ask of you is one thing"

"Anything" Gail could feel her heart beating in her throat.

"Don't run, talk. If things get scary you have to talk to me. Don't ever leave me like that again" Holly's eyes swam with tears as she stared into Gail's blue ones. She could see the insecurity in them, but more than anything she could see the love that Gail had for her. Gail put her hands on Holly's cheeks and looked straight at the brunette.

"I promise" she said, before pulling her into a gentler, lingering kiss. Taking Holly's hand in hers she asked "stay with me?" Holly nodded, fighting back a yawn, and so Gail lead them quietly into her bedroom, where she snuggled down with Holly in her bed, resting her head on the brunettes shoulder, breathing in the scent of Holly's coconut shampoo and something that was just so Holly. Finally, blissfully, both women fell asleep, able to take comfort in each other's presence and in the knowledge that despite everything, neither one had lost the most wonderful person they had ever met.


End file.
